Waking Up

It has been a long time since I have written anything.

There are a few reasons for that. One is that my work this school year has been incredibly intense. I lost my wonderful colleague for the most wonderful of reasons. In December she took off to have her first baby, a girl. This left an open space that was difficult for the school to fill. I ended up with many people (all of  them great people) working to fill the gaps. In February my permanent colleague arrived (back from having her first child!). And we have started to work in earnest to rebuild the culture of the classroom. Not only did the German lead teacher position change multiple times, but there were changes in the assistant staff as well. The result being, that a good deal of the weight fell on my shoulders, and I found myself training adults for the majority of the school year.

This has absorbed much of my creative energy.

But the reasons for my silent keyboard are not all negative. I have also had some really wonderful people come into my life. I have spent these last months with a lot of laughter, deep conversation, and fun.

What I really want to write about this morning is gratitude. A little over a year ago I was in a very dark place. I felt hopeless and broken and did not believe that I would ever really feel whole again. At this time I was taken in by friends, supported and loved by family, but I still felt that each day was simply a matter of survival. When I look back at myself then, and try to remember how I felt, I did not think that I had hope. But I kept working. At my job, on myself, in my life. And the people who stuck with me during this time gave me that extra shove I needed from time to time (because we all stumble).

Slowly things began to change. One of the first changes was the apartment where I now live. I moved in here last August, and began my school year only a few weeks after I moved, so I have not really had a lot of time to live in it. Yes, there was some time over Christmas when I was not working, but anyone who knows me knows what a child of the sun I am. To really "live" in a place, I need to see it in the light of day, to throw the windows open in the morning and to smell the air.

This morning I woke up to the sound of birdsong, with sunlight coming in the windows and a green-scented breeze drifting in from the park next door. My eyes were greeted by the green and white of great old chestnut trees in bloom. I do not hear traffic. As I lay in bed my soul is soothed by these things. I am going to work in my garden today, repairing the neglect it has suffered during my own time of suffering.

A feeling of wholeness and strength now accompanies me each day. I am in a way both humbled by my experiences and proud of having come out the other end in the way that I did.

And I am grateful.

Grateful for the space and time that I was given to heal, grateful for those who loved me through this and who are with me still, grateful for new hope and life that I feel so present now. Grateful to be here.

So, a little check-in to let you all know I am still here and there is more writing to come. It has been a quiet time after the storm. Now it is time to begin a new day.