It has been nearly a year since I created this blog. When I think back one year I recognize just how much evolution has happened in myself and my life during that relatively short time. A year ago I was on the tail end of a major life change, a reevaluation and reconstruction of my self, my life, my priorities, and my relationships. Now, a year later, I find myself in a very quiet place. The turmoil of deconstruction and reconstruction has subsided and I am drawn to quiet reflection.
Winter is always a time of quiet for me anyway. I am such a creature of the sun and the summer that I tend to hibernate this time of year, literally and figuratively. I have thought many times recently about making a new post here, but was unable to come up with a topic.
So now I reflect.
When I think about this last year as a whole, what stands out the most for me is a feeling of having shifted my perspective. For most of my life I have struggled or fought my way through to get where I needed to be, or to get what I thought I needed to be happy. I was always looking forward, to a goal, or to a time in the future where I believed I would have accomplished all I needed to be happy. I fought hard for these goals and ideals and accomplished a great deal.
But, when I reached my goal I never stopped. I kept pushing farther to the next goal because that one was obviously not enough. I was not happy or content. I still needed to fight for more.
When I think back through this last year I see myself for the most part still doing this desperate dog paddle, keeping my head barely above the surface. But I began to see that there was no magical point at which I would suddenly have all that I needed. I began to see that if I just slowed down and looked, those things were already there. I was just to blinded by the spray of my own desperate thrashing to see it. At some point in this year I realized that this constant struggle was no longer necessary. I paddled to the shore and climbed out.
The silence and stillness that I feel now is the quiet of rest. I am sitting on the shore and gazing out at the water and how far I've come.
I think it is very easy to be drawn into this kind of goal oriented movement, especially as a young person, and especially in our current culture. Things move so fast and there are so many unrealistic depictions of a "normal" or "happy" life out there that we never slow down long enough to evaluate what is normal or happy for us as individuals. Because it is very different for each person. I am glad to have had the experience of striving for goals and the feeling of accomplishment of reaching them. And now I am glad to stop. To rest and reflect in the stillness of winter.
Who knows what may bloom in the spring.
About Me
- Angela
- Zurich, Switzerland
- Welcome! I store all my random thoughts, ideas and experiences here for those who are interested or curious about my various life adventures. I love it that you are reading, and it inspires me to keep writing!
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
My New York Adventure
So I am wrapping up my beautiful autumnal 2 week holiday in New York. I have had a chance to see the beach on Long Island, travel all around the city and see the amazing sights, a whole day in Central Park with my lovely friend Mel, and spent lots of time with the family of good friends who invited me into their home these last 2 weeks.
This trip was significant for me because it is the first time I have chosen to visit a city for a holiday. Cities have not held much interest for me, and have in the past been the places I avoid rather than seek out. I dove right into experiencing NYC. Striking out on the 3rd day I was here, I took the hour-long train ride from West Islip where I was staying, to Penn Station. As I emerged from the station I was struck by the cacophony of sounds and smells and sights of one of the most vibrant centers of urban life in the world. I stood still, exactly like a little country girl, and just took it in. Then I set off, exhilarated and excited for my adventure.
I started by walking up to Times Square. At the end of the square there are bleachers set up, so that one can simply sit and watch the flood of humanity wash by. I sat there, reveling in the foreignness of it all.
New York has a particular energy, something I did not expect to feel, or to get so much enjoyment out of. I have always felt somewhat intimidated by large cities, but I felt myself reveling in the sensory experience of being there.
I took in a few more sights that day, then headed back to West Islip. I was glad to be able to travel by train. There is something about that time that creates a kind of natural transition, like bookends on the day. The next day I ventured forth again, this time to meet the family of a student of mine and take a bus tour through the city. Lots of fun! On another day I caught a Broadway show. I saw Annie, which was awesome since it was the first musical I was in as a child. It was a really great production, and inspiring. I love theater, as a participant and spectator :)
Then there was the day spent with my good friend Mel in Central Park. The whole day. It was obscenely beautiful that day, perfect skies, warm, sunshine, and not too many people about. We started out at Grand Central Station, where we got lots of yummy food for a picnic lunch, then just walked till dinner time. We then hopped a subway down to Little Italy and ate the most awesome Italian food, then got cannolis to bring home to the family.
One evening I decided to simply wander around Soho and see what I found. I was initially looking for a poetry cafe where I was going to listen to a reading, but I got lost and turned around and tired and hungry, so I ducked into a restaurant advertising locally produced food.....what an incredible discovery! I had a great dinner with all local food and drink, and super friendly service. A couple of guys from the next table (film crew workers) gave me great tips for where to go and what to see. I was really impressed with how open and friendly the people I met were. Even on the subway, when I asked for directions there was always someone there who would help me out. I like that in a city.
Now I am at the end of the trip. I feel filled with the experience of the city, and the warm companionship of friends. I am grateful for the journey, and everything encountered along the way.
This trip was significant for me because it is the first time I have chosen to visit a city for a holiday. Cities have not held much interest for me, and have in the past been the places I avoid rather than seek out. I dove right into experiencing NYC. Striking out on the 3rd day I was here, I took the hour-long train ride from West Islip where I was staying, to Penn Station. As I emerged from the station I was struck by the cacophony of sounds and smells and sights of one of the most vibrant centers of urban life in the world. I stood still, exactly like a little country girl, and just took it in. Then I set off, exhilarated and excited for my adventure.I started by walking up to Times Square. At the end of the square there are bleachers set up, so that one can simply sit and watch the flood of humanity wash by. I sat there, reveling in the foreignness of it all.
New York has a particular energy, something I did not expect to feel, or to get so much enjoyment out of. I have always felt somewhat intimidated by large cities, but I felt myself reveling in the sensory experience of being there.
Then there was the day spent with my good friend Mel in Central Park. The whole day. It was obscenely beautiful that day, perfect skies, warm, sunshine, and not too many people about. We started out at Grand Central Station, where we got lots of yummy food for a picnic lunch, then just walked till dinner time. We then hopped a subway down to Little Italy and ate the most awesome Italian food, then got cannolis to bring home to the family.
Now I am at the end of the trip. I feel filled with the experience of the city, and the warm companionship of friends. I am grateful for the journey, and everything encountered along the way.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Hello Autumn
It has been quite a while since I have written a post. Now the season is well on its way into autumn. This morning as I was walking Sumo in the forest, we could both see our breath, and the ground was littered with leaves from yesterday's rain. The air smells different too. There is a kind of sweetness in the air, like burnt sugar mixed with fertile earth.
For me, this season brings a time of quiet. I spend a lot of time at home and alone in nature. My love of cooking (and eating ;) is also revived. I laughed at myself the other day when I scrolled through my pictures and posts on Facebook, most of them in the last month or so have been about food! The small woodland creature in me is preparing for the long cold months. As I write, I have the last of my garden pumpkins baking for more pumpkin bread...
Since I returned from the US, my focus and energy has been directed at my work in the classroom. We have a much younger class this year. This happens naturally in a Montessori classroom, if you have a large group of 3rd graders move on, then those places are naturally filled at the lower end. Some of the new students we have look so tiny! I have had to teach in a very different way this year as a result, but that is one of the things that keeps my interest and love of teaching alive. Every year is different, and each day presents a unique challenge for me to learn something or grow in some way as a result of my interaction with these little people.
I have been playing more music lately as well. A friend of mine plays piano, and teaches the piano lessons at the school. For a year or so, we have been meeting from time to time to play piano and cello pieces together. Now the violin teacher is joining us, and we are talking about a possible concert in the next few months. It is good to reconnect with my music. I am also teaching cello lessons again!
My fall holidays are coming up in a week, and because I have to return to Cleveland for the last part of my Montessori Adolescent Training, I decided to make a holiday out of it. On the 10th of October I am flying to New York :) I have never been there, and I am super excited to see the city, and experience the culture and art that is there. Look for lots of pictures in another few weeks!
Overall, life is quiet right now.
For me, this season brings a time of quiet. I spend a lot of time at home and alone in nature. My love of cooking (and eating ;) is also revived. I laughed at myself the other day when I scrolled through my pictures and posts on Facebook, most of them in the last month or so have been about food! The small woodland creature in me is preparing for the long cold months. As I write, I have the last of my garden pumpkins baking for more pumpkin bread...
Since I returned from the US, my focus and energy has been directed at my work in the classroom. We have a much younger class this year. This happens naturally in a Montessori classroom, if you have a large group of 3rd graders move on, then those places are naturally filled at the lower end. Some of the new students we have look so tiny! I have had to teach in a very different way this year as a result, but that is one of the things that keeps my interest and love of teaching alive. Every year is different, and each day presents a unique challenge for me to learn something or grow in some way as a result of my interaction with these little people.
I have been playing more music lately as well. A friend of mine plays piano, and teaches the piano lessons at the school. For a year or so, we have been meeting from time to time to play piano and cello pieces together. Now the violin teacher is joining us, and we are talking about a possible concert in the next few months. It is good to reconnect with my music. I am also teaching cello lessons again!
My fall holidays are coming up in a week, and because I have to return to Cleveland for the last part of my Montessori Adolescent Training, I decided to make a holiday out of it. On the 10th of October I am flying to New York :) I have never been there, and I am super excited to see the city, and experience the culture and art that is there. Look for lots of pictures in another few weeks!
Overall, life is quiet right now.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Untethered
A very good friend shared this video with me today. I remember the scene from the movie American Beauty that inspired it. The scene spoke of the importance of remembering that there is an energy, a life that exists behind everything. It spoke of beauty, the kind of quiet beauty that swells in your chest and threatens to tear you open to the world. I watch this and see the dance between freedom and attachment, that exquisite space where love and beauty both binds and releases us.
Watch this. Feel beautiful and free for a moment today.
Watch this. Feel beautiful and free for a moment today.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Thoughts about Home
I have had an amazing and unique opportunity this summer to spend some time in many of the places that I, in my life, have called home. Being in the highly charged and transitional place I am, this has brought about in me many different thoughts and emotions.
From arriving in the US, jet-lagged and mildly culture-shocked, I began to realize how much Switzerland was now "home." The first phase of this trip was spent making these comparisons, and missing what has come to represent "home" there. Then I started to settle, and meet people, and revel in the familiarity of my own social culture.
My mom came to meet me in Cleveland, and this began the marathon family and friend portion of my summer. Family. In this phase of my life, family has become very important to me. My visits with my parents and my family held for me wonderful support and love. I have seen friends, and been embraced after long absence and have laughed with them with joyous familiarity. I have held my nieces in my arms, and had long talks with my brother.
I come away from this thinking about home, about the pieces that make up that deep feeling of peace and happiness when you are truly home. I have felt that at various times this summer, and in many varied situations. In the training this summer we talked at length about the kind of bond one forms with the place where you grew up, that you are somehow intrinsically linked with the actual physical geography of that place. I agree with that. I felt that when I was boating with my Dad at the lake where our family spent our summers when I was growing up. My soul is deep in that water and in those rocky cliffs. But I think that we form those same kind of imprintations on other significant places, and on significant people.
I do not know at this point where home will end up for me. This summer I realized that so many things in the US are "home" to me, but they are mainly based in my past. Now many things about Zurich are home, but it is still and always will be a foreign place. I am balanced precariously between. What I carry back with me from this summer is the knowledge that home is a collection; people, places, events, times...all the memories, experiences and connections that come together to create and environment that supports us at our deepest core self.
From arriving in the US, jet-lagged and mildly culture-shocked, I began to realize how much Switzerland was now "home." The first phase of this trip was spent making these comparisons, and missing what has come to represent "home" there. Then I started to settle, and meet people, and revel in the familiarity of my own social culture.
My mom came to meet me in Cleveland, and this began the marathon family and friend portion of my summer. Family. In this phase of my life, family has become very important to me. My visits with my parents and my family held for me wonderful support and love. I have seen friends, and been embraced after long absence and have laughed with them with joyous familiarity. I have held my nieces in my arms, and had long talks with my brother.
I come away from this thinking about home, about the pieces that make up that deep feeling of peace and happiness when you are truly home. I have felt that at various times this summer, and in many varied situations. In the training this summer we talked at length about the kind of bond one forms with the place where you grew up, that you are somehow intrinsically linked with the actual physical geography of that place. I agree with that. I felt that when I was boating with my Dad at the lake where our family spent our summers when I was growing up. My soul is deep in that water and in those rocky cliffs. But I think that we form those same kind of imprintations on other significant places, and on significant people.
I do not know at this point where home will end up for me. This summer I realized that so many things in the US are "home" to me, but they are mainly based in my past. Now many things about Zurich are home, but it is still and always will be a foreign place. I am balanced precariously between. What I carry back with me from this summer is the knowledge that home is a collection; people, places, events, times...all the memories, experiences and connections that come together to create and environment that supports us at our deepest core self.
Friday, July 27, 2012
It's About People
I have just completed my fifth and final week of the Montessori Adolescent training, an intense and packed experience. I had been wondering for a while now what I would write about for these last few weeks. All I could see was that I had sat and listened to lectures all day every day and spent most of my evenings editing those lectures, and most of my weekends writing essays. Not much there I thought.
Today was the last day for the group together. We began the day with a spontaneous and raucous round of "I had the time of my life" in full male-female duet. I looked around at the room full of 60 adults, from all over the world, that I had just shared 5 weeks with, living, working, eating, learning, experiencing with. I realized what this had been for me.
It's about people.
It's about the power of seeing someone, looking into them and recognizing the self, the unique beauty that exists there, whether you are spending 5 weeks with them, 5 hours, or 5 years. The time is not the critical point, the point is being a part of someone's life (and letting them into yours). It is about the power that comes from embracing each experience, each new connection for what it is. It is about meeting some fellow wanderer on this crazy planet and taking their hand, saying, "I hear you." It is about listening, hearing what someone else is saying, without ego, without agenda. It is about being heard.
It is about going to a vineyard in Ohio on a Wednesday afternoon and playing cornhole ;)
I have always carried with me the fear of losing people who I love, but the truth is that the possession is the illusion. You can't nail love down. The idea of permanence is what we use to soothe that terrible risk that we take each time we look into the eyes of another human and decide to let them in.
This summer has been about people, about all those crazy, smart, impassioned people who are willing to dream, willing to devote their lives to the service of others, willing to spend 5 sweaty, intense, difficult, expensive weeks in Cleveland, Ohio for the sake of this passion.
All of you, this summer, I thank you. You have brought light and love and joy into my life. I will carry that with me as I travel on.
Today was the last day for the group together. We began the day with a spontaneous and raucous round of "I had the time of my life" in full male-female duet. I looked around at the room full of 60 adults, from all over the world, that I had just shared 5 weeks with, living, working, eating, learning, experiencing with. I realized what this had been for me.
It's about people.
It's about the power of seeing someone, looking into them and recognizing the self, the unique beauty that exists there, whether you are spending 5 weeks with them, 5 hours, or 5 years. The time is not the critical point, the point is being a part of someone's life (and letting them into yours). It is about the power that comes from embracing each experience, each new connection for what it is. It is about meeting some fellow wanderer on this crazy planet and taking their hand, saying, "I hear you." It is about listening, hearing what someone else is saying, without ego, without agenda. It is about being heard.
It is about going to a vineyard in Ohio on a Wednesday afternoon and playing cornhole ;)
I have always carried with me the fear of losing people who I love, but the truth is that the possession is the illusion. You can't nail love down. The idea of permanence is what we use to soothe that terrible risk that we take each time we look into the eyes of another human and decide to let them in.
This summer has been about people, about all those crazy, smart, impassioned people who are willing to dream, willing to devote their lives to the service of others, willing to spend 5 sweaty, intense, difficult, expensive weeks in Cleveland, Ohio for the sake of this passion.
All of you, this summer, I thank you. You have brought light and love and joy into my life. I will carry that with me as I travel on.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Montessori Training...continued
So here I am, at the end of week 3 of my training. It is still blazingly hot in Cleveland, but I have almost been too busy to notice it!
Most days are lecture-filled...about 5-6 hours worth. The weekends are taken with a 5-10 page essay and 10 words of a lexicon to define and support with quotes. Not to mention a library of Montessori readings. Man, it has been intense.
There have been days of other, more active work and experience. We spent a day traveling out to Hudson, OH to visit a suburban school there with an adolescent program, and we viewed the farm that they use and the little village where the kids have built relationships with the local merchants, historians and governmental agencies.We had the choice of activities that day, and I chose to do photography in the town square (focusing on spirals and concentric circles :) The idea was to see ways to connect the students with the particular place in which there school (and life) is located. To root them in the culture of their particular place and time. Again I was struck by how the act of looking (from an artistic perspective) causes you to connect with a place in a deep and meaningful way that would not otherwise happen.
Another day we spent at the Montessori High School here in Cleveland, and visited some of the locations and institutions where the students can do practical work. I had the chance to go to the Natural History Museum on a behind-the-scenes tour. That was such a fun experience! Not only as an educator (gathering ideas for the future) but also just for me personally. We went to the paleontology department and got to see the huge casts, removed from all around the world, which contained dinosaur fossils. Such fun! We traveled all through the bowels of the museum, coming at one point to a freezer room, which held an enormous collection of stuffed animals (not the plush kind). There was everything from a tiny bird to a giant grizzly bear. I felt like a kid, just filled with amazement.
As it is with any intense period of time away from home, it seems like I have been here MUCH longer than 3 weeks. But the next 2 will be more focused on writing up my own prospectus for an Montessori adolescent program, using the proposed site in Switzerland as a model. This will be interesting and inspiring work, and I am sure the time will fly.
Then on to visit family and friends!
Most days are lecture-filled...about 5-6 hours worth. The weekends are taken with a 5-10 page essay and 10 words of a lexicon to define and support with quotes. Not to mention a library of Montessori readings. Man, it has been intense.
There have been days of other, more active work and experience. We spent a day traveling out to Hudson, OH to visit a suburban school there with an adolescent program, and we viewed the farm that they use and the little village where the kids have built relationships with the local merchants, historians and governmental agencies.We had the choice of activities that day, and I chose to do photography in the town square (focusing on spirals and concentric circles :) The idea was to see ways to connect the students with the particular place in which there school (and life) is located. To root them in the culture of their particular place and time. Again I was struck by how the act of looking (from an artistic perspective) causes you to connect with a place in a deep and meaningful way that would not otherwise happen.
Another day we spent at the Montessori High School here in Cleveland, and visited some of the locations and institutions where the students can do practical work. I had the chance to go to the Natural History Museum on a behind-the-scenes tour. That was such a fun experience! Not only as an educator (gathering ideas for the future) but also just for me personally. We went to the paleontology department and got to see the huge casts, removed from all around the world, which contained dinosaur fossils. Such fun! We traveled all through the bowels of the museum, coming at one point to a freezer room, which held an enormous collection of stuffed animals (not the plush kind). There was everything from a tiny bird to a giant grizzly bear. I felt like a kid, just filled with amazement.
As it is with any intense period of time away from home, it seems like I have been here MUCH longer than 3 weeks. But the next 2 will be more focused on writing up my own prospectus for an Montessori adolescent program, using the proposed site in Switzerland as a model. This will be interesting and inspiring work, and I am sure the time will fly.
Then on to visit family and friends!
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
First Week at the Farm School
What an awesome week!
Last week I got to live and work on the farm, at the Hershey Montessori Farm School. My fellow trainees and I lived and worked just as the adolescents there do. We roomed together, cooked meals together, cleaned, cared for the animals and attended classes. It is a really immersive way to get to know the school and the concept of the Erdkinder program.
It was my job a few times to feed the animals in the evenings. I was in heaven! I got to know the goats, who were extremely friendly, and of course spent some time hanging out with the chickens. One evening I volunteered to round up an escapee from the coop, and apparently impressed my colleagues with my chicken wrangling skills. I credit all those long beautiful childhood summers chasing chickens with my brother :)
The farm itself is not too big, just large enough to have a few cows, a few sheep, goats, chickens and a large garden. Everyone worked so well together and there was a real feeling of community built among those of us staying there at the farm. Study sessions were often lively and interactive, and there was more than one "jam session" on the porch in the evenings after "study hall."
This whole experience is reinvigorating me to go back and really apply what I am seeing and experiencing here. It is also refueling the fire I have for teaching in the Montessori way. What I see in the children here is so inspiring, these adolescents have such a sense of calm and confidence and peace about them. They are clearly adolescents, and are giggly and loud and very active, but you can see a spark in them and a self-assuredness that I have never seen before in a group of children this age. They seem satisfied in some way that I have never seen in adolescents.
At the end of the week, we had a chance to see the Montessori school (ages 0-12) that feeds into the adolescent program. They asked us to take a "silent journey" through the classroom environments in developmental order, so we shut our mouths and started in the infant room. We were required to stay 15 minutes in each environment and were permitted to move about and work with any of the materials. It was a beautiful experience, and I have never seen such amazing and well-prepared environments. It was a real treat to see this.
I am having a great experience and looking forward to learning more :)
In the meantime, here is me on the farm!
Last week I got to live and work on the farm, at the Hershey Montessori Farm School. My fellow trainees and I lived and worked just as the adolescents there do. We roomed together, cooked meals together, cleaned, cared for the animals and attended classes. It is a really immersive way to get to know the school and the concept of the Erdkinder program.
It was my job a few times to feed the animals in the evenings. I was in heaven! I got to know the goats, who were extremely friendly, and of course spent some time hanging out with the chickens. One evening I volunteered to round up an escapee from the coop, and apparently impressed my colleagues with my chicken wrangling skills. I credit all those long beautiful childhood summers chasing chickens with my brother :)
The farm itself is not too big, just large enough to have a few cows, a few sheep, goats, chickens and a large garden. Everyone worked so well together and there was a real feeling of community built among those of us staying there at the farm. Study sessions were often lively and interactive, and there was more than one "jam session" on the porch in the evenings after "study hall."
This whole experience is reinvigorating me to go back and really apply what I am seeing and experiencing here. It is also refueling the fire I have for teaching in the Montessori way. What I see in the children here is so inspiring, these adolescents have such a sense of calm and confidence and peace about them. They are clearly adolescents, and are giggly and loud and very active, but you can see a spark in them and a self-assuredness that I have never seen before in a group of children this age. They seem satisfied in some way that I have never seen in adolescents.
At the end of the week, we had a chance to see the Montessori school (ages 0-12) that feeds into the adolescent program. They asked us to take a "silent journey" through the classroom environments in developmental order, so we shut our mouths and started in the infant room. We were required to stay 15 minutes in each environment and were permitted to move about and work with any of the materials. It was a beautiful experience, and I have never seen such amazing and well-prepared environments. It was a real treat to see this.
I am having a great experience and looking forward to learning more :)
In the meantime, here is me on the farm!
Saturday, June 30, 2012
10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago.....
On a blazing hot summer day, at Otter Creek Park in Louisville, Kentucky, a young Tyler and Angie got married.
For 10 years I have had a partner who has been unfailingly true, a loving husband, and a fierce friend. We have had times that were beautiful and easy (quite the majority in fact), times of hard work endured and eased by partnership, and we have had times that were terribly difficult, most notably the last year or two. During these hard times when I have been in such a state of turmoil and confusion and change, I have been able to take solace in the one unshakable piece of my life, my husband's love and devotion. He has stood by me even in the face of great opposition and great pain. I have never known someone more deserving of the title "husband" or "partner."
For 10 years I have had the gift of a marriage with someone who is kind and strong and honest, who stands by his word and cares deeply for the people in his life, who is smart and loves a challenge and never ceases to search for the greater truth. I have had a partner who is beautiful in so many ways, handsome and confident, laughing eyes and a ready smile. A partner who has brought me endless laughter and joy.
I love you Tyler, and I thank you.
I am so lucky and proud to share my life with you.
On a blazing hot summer day, at Otter Creek Park in Louisville, Kentucky, a young Tyler and Angie got married.
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| From oldies |
For 10 years I have had a partner who has been unfailingly true, a loving husband, and a fierce friend. We have had times that were beautiful and easy (quite the majority in fact), times of hard work endured and eased by partnership, and we have had times that were terribly difficult, most notably the last year or two. During these hard times when I have been in such a state of turmoil and confusion and change, I have been able to take solace in the one unshakable piece of my life, my husband's love and devotion. He has stood by me even in the face of great opposition and great pain. I have never known someone more deserving of the title "husband" or "partner."
For 10 years I have had the gift of a marriage with someone who is kind and strong and honest, who stands by his word and cares deeply for the people in his life, who is smart and loves a challenge and never ceases to search for the greater truth. I have had a partner who is beautiful in so many ways, handsome and confident, laughing eyes and a ready smile. A partner who has brought me endless laughter and joy.
I love you Tyler, and I thank you.
I am so lucky and proud to share my life with you.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Montessori Summer 2012...Day 1
I am here, in the US, and it is full-on summer. I have forgotten how wretchedly hot it is here in the summertime. But it has been really fun to watch my Austrian colleague experience the US for the first time.
We made a long stop in Georgia on the way in and I had a chance to catch up with a friend from college that I had not seen in over 10 years. It is amazing how much changes and how much stays the same! We had a really nice (though short) visit. She drove us to this awesome dilapidated factory that has been repurposed as a goat farm/artist collective. Really cool.
Then on to Cleveland. I am staying in student housing....and it is everything you might expect from a state school tower housing. Small, hot, old and ugly. :/
Ah well, it is about the adventure, right?
We have managed to successfully navigate the Cleveland public transit system (actually not bad at all...better than the Italian!). I took Christina to Wal-Mart after we realized that the kitchen we were supposed to cook in had no dishes or pots or cutlery or anything other than a refrigerator, microwave and stove. I have to say, Wal-Mart is something I could happily live without forever. She was absolutely amazed to see that spectacle of American consumerism. Then we wandered around campus, stumbled upon a football practice and lingered while I explained everything I know about American football...lol
Now to the meat of my post. About how it is to be back. I have to say, I have been a little surprised this visit. I will illustrate with an example. In the hotel this morning I watched a young girl play a game with her mom (anyone know the "cold chills" ?) that I had played as a child. There was such a warm rush of memory and nostalgia for me, but almost as if it were for someone I once knew very closely, not so much for me as I am now.
It is so strange to be here, in this place where everything is so familiar, so easy to live in, because I know the culture on an intimate level...and yet I am no longer a part of it as I once was. It is not that I do not love being here, and I would be very sad to never come back to the states, but I have developed as a person so much now in Switzerland, that it is as if there is a part of me that is now also intimately linked to that place. I feel a little like a foreigner in my own culture, somewhat apart, somewhat changed. It is not a feeling that I regret in any way because I love the changes I have embraced in myself, but it is strange to feel these two feelings, of intimacy and separation.
I look forward to a summer of further discovery :)
We made a long stop in Georgia on the way in and I had a chance to catch up with a friend from college that I had not seen in over 10 years. It is amazing how much changes and how much stays the same! We had a really nice (though short) visit. She drove us to this awesome dilapidated factory that has been repurposed as a goat farm/artist collective. Really cool.
Then on to Cleveland. I am staying in student housing....and it is everything you might expect from a state school tower housing. Small, hot, old and ugly. :/
Ah well, it is about the adventure, right?
We have managed to successfully navigate the Cleveland public transit system (actually not bad at all...better than the Italian!). I took Christina to Wal-Mart after we realized that the kitchen we were supposed to cook in had no dishes or pots or cutlery or anything other than a refrigerator, microwave and stove. I have to say, Wal-Mart is something I could happily live without forever. She was absolutely amazed to see that spectacle of American consumerism. Then we wandered around campus, stumbled upon a football practice and lingered while I explained everything I know about American football...lol
Now to the meat of my post. About how it is to be back. I have to say, I have been a little surprised this visit. I will illustrate with an example. In the hotel this morning I watched a young girl play a game with her mom (anyone know the "cold chills" ?) that I had played as a child. There was such a warm rush of memory and nostalgia for me, but almost as if it were for someone I once knew very closely, not so much for me as I am now.
It is so strange to be here, in this place where everything is so familiar, so easy to live in, because I know the culture on an intimate level...and yet I am no longer a part of it as I once was. It is not that I do not love being here, and I would be very sad to never come back to the states, but I have developed as a person so much now in Switzerland, that it is as if there is a part of me that is now also intimately linked to that place. I feel a little like a foreigner in my own culture, somewhat apart, somewhat changed. It is not a feeling that I regret in any way because I love the changes I have embraced in myself, but it is strange to feel these two feelings, of intimacy and separation.
I look forward to a summer of further discovery :)
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Historical Musings.....and Music
Last night I had the opportunity to listen to one of the most talented musical groups I have ever known, in a beautiful and historical setting. I was listening to the Valentin Berlinsky Quartet at the Zunfthaus zur Waag (in the courtyard of the Fraumunster Church).
These are the moments when I really appreciate how special it is to be here.
Here I am, listening to an amazing group of performers, who I have had the opportunity to meet and know personally through friends here, in a building that existed during the lifetime of the composer whose pieces were being performed.....I sat there, looking around and imagining how many times that piece has been performed in a place here in Zurich. It gives such depth to the experience to not only hear music beautifully performed, but to be in such an intimate and rich setting.
I had to take some photos:
These are the moments when I really appreciate how special it is to be here.
Here I am, listening to an amazing group of performers, who I have had the opportunity to meet and know personally through friends here, in a building that existed during the lifetime of the composer whose pieces were being performed.....I sat there, looking around and imagining how many times that piece has been performed in a place here in Zurich. It gives such depth to the experience to not only hear music beautifully performed, but to be in such an intimate and rich setting.
I had to take some photos:
Monday, May 21, 2012
Summer Rain
You know it is interesting, I have noticed that I always make blog posts when I am at my best, or have had some amazing or enlightening experience. It makes for light and happy reading, but it is not really the reality of my life right now. Sure, it is a part of the reality, but it is truly not the whole picture.
The reality is, I am deep in grief a good deal of the time these days.
I am in a situation now where I am staying in a friend's apartment (cat-sitting) for the next 2 and a half weeks. It has removed me just enough from my "normal" existence so that the full weight of my current reality has had a chance to catch up with me. I feel the truth of my existence, alone. All my adult life I have had a steady partner, someone I could rely on, trust, share with. Now I do not. Don't get me wrong, I have awesome friends, (which I am amazingly grateful for) but anyone who says that friends are a substitute for that someone special is fooling themselves. We all know that, right?
Being here alone has been a little like some kind of retreat, some kind of enforced silent meditation. The apartment is situated in a very quiet pastoral setting, I bike to work, I do yoga in the morning sunshine, I feed the kitties (we try to talk, but they just don't get me ;)
I cannot escape the thoughts or feelings that come, and I cannot fool myself about the reality of my transitional situation, so I just have to sit with these thoughts and feelings, get to know them, give them some space, accept the pain that comes, and then try to let them go. I know that over time, I will heal. I know that over time I will feel strong and whole again. But damn, this part is hard.
So that is where I am tonight, sitting in a friend's apartment, listening to the birds singing and the gentle patter of the rain and feeling sad. But I know you are all out there, and I know that this is not my life. I am walking the long uphill path to something new.
The reality is, I am deep in grief a good deal of the time these days.
I am in a situation now where I am staying in a friend's apartment (cat-sitting) for the next 2 and a half weeks. It has removed me just enough from my "normal" existence so that the full weight of my current reality has had a chance to catch up with me. I feel the truth of my existence, alone. All my adult life I have had a steady partner, someone I could rely on, trust, share with. Now I do not. Don't get me wrong, I have awesome friends, (which I am amazingly grateful for) but anyone who says that friends are a substitute for that someone special is fooling themselves. We all know that, right?
Being here alone has been a little like some kind of retreat, some kind of enforced silent meditation. The apartment is situated in a very quiet pastoral setting, I bike to work, I do yoga in the morning sunshine, I feed the kitties (we try to talk, but they just don't get me ;)
I cannot escape the thoughts or feelings that come, and I cannot fool myself about the reality of my transitional situation, so I just have to sit with these thoughts and feelings, get to know them, give them some space, accept the pain that comes, and then try to let them go. I know that over time, I will heal. I know that over time I will feel strong and whole again. But damn, this part is hard.
So that is where I am tonight, sitting in a friend's apartment, listening to the birds singing and the gentle patter of the rain and feeling sad. But I know you are all out there, and I know that this is not my life. I am walking the long uphill path to something new.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Well Met
I met a woman on the tram today. It was one of those situations where I had carefully chosen the seat that I knew was least likely to attract a fellow passenger. She tottered right up and asked if she could sit. Of course, I said. (Imagine this in Swiss/High German)
Immediately I knew, she was a talker. The majority of the people I encounter in my daily life here could care less if the person next to them was engulfed in flames, but every once in a while, you meet these people who really respond to that American openness. They want to talk.
A good three quarters of them are mildly to majorly crazy.
I quickly summed up this lady, judging weather I needed to make a break for it at the next stop. 30 minutes later I was glad I hung in there.
This woman is 83 years old. She has lived in the Zurich area all her life, swimming there in the lake (one of her favorite pastimes), hiking in the mountains, and living her life. As we passed Burkliplatz,
she couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of the snow covered mountains and the sun-drenched water. She has seen it almost every day of her life here, but was viewing it with open eyes, seeing the beauty as fresh and new.
She shared with me not only stories from her life, but the power and fire that has fueled her journey. She is in the moment and so alive. Blind in one eye, and no longer able to do all the things she once loved, but without regret and without despair. Her family has passed away, and most of her friends are gone or ill, but she still loves to walk in the mountains, and is strong and grateful for her health. None of this was posturing from her side. Just genuine love for life...the joy of a life well lived.
When we got to my stop (at my garden) I bid her farewell. She took my hand in hers and wished me a wonderful life, and much joy. It is the greatest blessing possibly I have ever received.
I walked away feeling very young, and very hopeful for the years ahead.
Immediately I knew, she was a talker. The majority of the people I encounter in my daily life here could care less if the person next to them was engulfed in flames, but every once in a while, you meet these people who really respond to that American openness. They want to talk.
A good three quarters of them are mildly to majorly crazy.
I quickly summed up this lady, judging weather I needed to make a break for it at the next stop. 30 minutes later I was glad I hung in there.
This woman is 83 years old. She has lived in the Zurich area all her life, swimming there in the lake (one of her favorite pastimes), hiking in the mountains, and living her life. As we passed Burkliplatz,
 |
| From Christmas in Switzerland |
she couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of the snow covered mountains and the sun-drenched water. She has seen it almost every day of her life here, but was viewing it with open eyes, seeing the beauty as fresh and new.
She shared with me not only stories from her life, but the power and fire that has fueled her journey. She is in the moment and so alive. Blind in one eye, and no longer able to do all the things she once loved, but without regret and without despair. Her family has passed away, and most of her friends are gone or ill, but she still loves to walk in the mountains, and is strong and grateful for her health. None of this was posturing from her side. Just genuine love for life...the joy of a life well lived.
When we got to my stop (at my garden) I bid her farewell. She took my hand in hers and wished me a wonderful life, and much joy. It is the greatest blessing possibly I have ever received.
I walked away feeling very young, and very hopeful for the years ahead.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Gardening
So it is spring again! And now that the rain has stopped, and it is finally nice and warm outside, I have been spending a lot of time in the garden again.
This year I have a unique situation because I will be in the US learning how to be a farm school teacher during the most intense part of the growing season. So I decided to really limit my plantings. I am growing a few things that take a long time to ripen (potatoes, beets, winter squash and pumpkins) and the rest of the beds I am planting cover crops in. I discovered this perfect solution when I was researching different ways to compost and fertilize. There are certain kinds of plants that actually improve the quality of the soil as they are growing, then after they are finished blooming you just till in the entire crop and leave it to compost naturally. The density of the plants also keeps weeds down, so it is just a perfect solution for leaving the garden to fend for itself for a month or so.
This morning I was also doing some interesting research about small self-sufficient farms and homesteading. I found some great information about applying for grants and the financial end of start-up. Good food for dreaming about the future! Lots to look forward to.
This year I have a unique situation because I will be in the US learning how to be a farm school teacher during the most intense part of the growing season. So I decided to really limit my plantings. I am growing a few things that take a long time to ripen (potatoes, beets, winter squash and pumpkins) and the rest of the beds I am planting cover crops in. I discovered this perfect solution when I was researching different ways to compost and fertilize. There are certain kinds of plants that actually improve the quality of the soil as they are growing, then after they are finished blooming you just till in the entire crop and leave it to compost naturally. The density of the plants also keeps weeds down, so it is just a perfect solution for leaving the garden to fend for itself for a month or so.
This morning I was also doing some interesting research about small self-sufficient farms and homesteading. I found some great information about applying for grants and the financial end of start-up. Good food for dreaming about the future! Lots to look forward to.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Awesome
On my birthday, I had a small party with some close friends at a cute little "American" diner here in Zurich. It was a nice low-key evening and I felt all warm and happy with all the love of my people here close to me.
One of my friends gave me a book that night. It is the Book of Awesome. I have to say, this has been a wonderful reading experience so far. It is all those little things that make life really grand that you just do not think about often enough.
Well, yesterday another friend forwarded me the TED talk that the author of this book gave. After watching it, I love this book even more. Take the time to watch this. It will make your day....
Awesome.
Click here to watch "The 3 A's of Awesome"
One of my friends gave me a book that night. It is the Book of Awesome. I have to say, this has been a wonderful reading experience so far. It is all those little things that make life really grand that you just do not think about often enough.
Well, yesterday another friend forwarded me the TED talk that the author of this book gave. After watching it, I love this book even more. Take the time to watch this. It will make your day....
Awesome.
Click here to watch "The 3 A's of Awesome"
Friday, April 6, 2012
Thoughts at 35
In the grand scheme of things, a birthday does not mean much. It is another day where we work, eat, breathe, sleep and generally live. We do the same thing the next day. But birthdays give us pause as well. We tend to slow down, reflect and take stock of where we are and how the time is flowing.
I did some reflecting yesterday. When I was in my 20s and becoming an independent adult, I made some general long-term goals for myself. I knew that by 30 I wanted to be done with school and working in my career as a teacher. When 30 rolled around I was able to say that I had achieved those goals. I felt pretty good about myself. I had a loving partner, a home, a good job and some security for the future in the form of my career and education.
I realized yesterday as I was reflecting that I have been kind of floating since then. I wanted to have a family in my 30s, but that has been forced onto the back burner many times by circumstance. I have moved to a foreign country and had such a rich experience living here. I have gained more experience in my field, and have benefited greatly from that. But I have been restless and searching. Where I am right now at 35, living and teaching in Zurich Switzerland, launching a new life on my own at the end of 10 years of marriage is nowhere I could have imagined myself.
In life I have always made an effort to make choices that have the feeling of truth for me. To be alive is such an insecure position that we are tempted to tie it down with bonds that shore up our lives. To create the illusion of security. Sometimes when we are faced with choices, there are ones that feel true but have such risk attached to them that we cannot accept untying those bonds in the face of the inherent instability of our position as living beings. At times I have made choices to walk that "other" path. I have done so out of a love for the vibrancy of a life fully lived, out of a fierce devotion to truth, and for the change and growth that comes from new experiences. It has kept my spirit and my soul alive. But here I find myself looking back. The temptation is to try to get a peek at what was down the other paths, the ones I did not take. But I know that regret and "what ifs" are a useless poison for the future.
So I take stock, and I think it is time for a new vision. A vision for 40. Life is a twisted path, and as we travel it we often can't see what is coming around the corner, but at some point we have to pick a direction. To move with purpose. I will begin by embracing myself and my life as it comes to me, without judgement, regret or fear. I will love my self and my life and be grateful for all those walking at my side on this path. Then I have to look and feel for those "truths" when they come. Let's see what happens.....
Thank you all for your love and birthday wishes. I have felt truly blessed today.
I did some reflecting yesterday. When I was in my 20s and becoming an independent adult, I made some general long-term goals for myself. I knew that by 30 I wanted to be done with school and working in my career as a teacher. When 30 rolled around I was able to say that I had achieved those goals. I felt pretty good about myself. I had a loving partner, a home, a good job and some security for the future in the form of my career and education.
I realized yesterday as I was reflecting that I have been kind of floating since then. I wanted to have a family in my 30s, but that has been forced onto the back burner many times by circumstance. I have moved to a foreign country and had such a rich experience living here. I have gained more experience in my field, and have benefited greatly from that. But I have been restless and searching. Where I am right now at 35, living and teaching in Zurich Switzerland, launching a new life on my own at the end of 10 years of marriage is nowhere I could have imagined myself.
In life I have always made an effort to make choices that have the feeling of truth for me. To be alive is such an insecure position that we are tempted to tie it down with bonds that shore up our lives. To create the illusion of security. Sometimes when we are faced with choices, there are ones that feel true but have such risk attached to them that we cannot accept untying those bonds in the face of the inherent instability of our position as living beings. At times I have made choices to walk that "other" path. I have done so out of a love for the vibrancy of a life fully lived, out of a fierce devotion to truth, and for the change and growth that comes from new experiences. It has kept my spirit and my soul alive. But here I find myself looking back. The temptation is to try to get a peek at what was down the other paths, the ones I did not take. But I know that regret and "what ifs" are a useless poison for the future.
So I take stock, and I think it is time for a new vision. A vision for 40. Life is a twisted path, and as we travel it we often can't see what is coming around the corner, but at some point we have to pick a direction. To move with purpose. I will begin by embracing myself and my life as it comes to me, without judgement, regret or fear. I will love my self and my life and be grateful for all those walking at my side on this path. Then I have to look and feel for those "truths" when they come. Let's see what happens.....
Thank you all for your love and birthday wishes. I have felt truly blessed today.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
The Luddite Gives In....and other springtime tales
So, I have spent the majority of my life eschewing most modern technology. I really love to live a simple life, connected to the natural world, and using mostly my own power and ingenuity to get what I need. Some exceptions have been, my adoption of a laptop and cell phone during my Montessori training in Minnesota, and my acceptance of Facebook and Skype when I moved here to Switzerland. Most recently, of course, the creation of this blog.
Well, I took one further step into the realm of new communication technology. I have a "smart phone." Initially I thought that this would be a colossal waste for me. I am really not interested in telling everyone online where I am at all times, I do not want to sit at the lake on a beautiful sunny day and look only at the screen on my phone (as I see so many people do), and I am no longer on Facebook, so uploading photos and such is not a real draw for me. I came around when I realized that I could (as I did yesterday) sit in a tram on my way home and receive a Skype call from my mom. I could sit and chat with her just as if she was in the same city as me.
What an awesome benefit and comfort for someone so far from home and loved ones :)
Here are a few photos taken over the last few days with my new phone:
This last week, the city started to warm up, literally and figuratively. It is a funny thing to notice. The people who live in Zurich are pretty comparable to any "big city" types. They go through the day stressed, heads down, pushing through crowds and not having much consideration or sympathy for the people around them.
After having lived here for almost 3 years I can understand why people here are like this to a certain extent. It is like any other animal in a hostile environment, they have developed acute defense mechanisms to adapt to their environment. Well, that all changes on the first sunny warm days in the spring. It is so funny to watch. They lift their faces up from the cold grey cobblestones and find those first rays of light shining down, then they look around and smile. They laugh with friends in the street, they talk to strangers, they lie on the grass at the lake, they play music in the parks, and they fall in love again. The transformation is so remarkable that the city is truly unrecognizable from itself just 4 weeks earlier.
I was sitting at the lake this week with a friend who shares my occasional disdain for the city life here in Zurich. A month ago we were grumbling about life here, how unfriendly the people are, how awful the weather is, and how generally bleak and hopeless life is in this place. Last week we sat there on the grass by the lake, drinking a glass of wine, watching the swans curl their necks in their courtship rituals, squinting into the dazzling diamonds reflected from the surface of the water where the sailboats were tied up, bobbing like excited children waiting to be let out to play on this beautiful day. Both of us sighed and said just how much we love living here.
Then laughed hilariously at ourselves.
Well, I took one further step into the realm of new communication technology. I have a "smart phone." Initially I thought that this would be a colossal waste for me. I am really not interested in telling everyone online where I am at all times, I do not want to sit at the lake on a beautiful sunny day and look only at the screen on my phone (as I see so many people do), and I am no longer on Facebook, so uploading photos and such is not a real draw for me. I came around when I realized that I could (as I did yesterday) sit in a tram on my way home and receive a Skype call from my mom. I could sit and chat with her just as if she was in the same city as me.
What an awesome benefit and comfort for someone so far from home and loved ones :)
Here are a few photos taken over the last few days with my new phone:
This last week, the city started to warm up, literally and figuratively. It is a funny thing to notice. The people who live in Zurich are pretty comparable to any "big city" types. They go through the day stressed, heads down, pushing through crowds and not having much consideration or sympathy for the people around them.
After having lived here for almost 3 years I can understand why people here are like this to a certain extent. It is like any other animal in a hostile environment, they have developed acute defense mechanisms to adapt to their environment. Well, that all changes on the first sunny warm days in the spring. It is so funny to watch. They lift their faces up from the cold grey cobblestones and find those first rays of light shining down, then they look around and smile. They laugh with friends in the street, they talk to strangers, they lie on the grass at the lake, they play music in the parks, and they fall in love again. The transformation is so remarkable that the city is truly unrecognizable from itself just 4 weeks earlier.
I was sitting at the lake this week with a friend who shares my occasional disdain for the city life here in Zurich. A month ago we were grumbling about life here, how unfriendly the people are, how awful the weather is, and how generally bleak and hopeless life is in this place. Last week we sat there on the grass by the lake, drinking a glass of wine, watching the swans curl their necks in their courtship rituals, squinting into the dazzling diamonds reflected from the surface of the water where the sailboats were tied up, bobbing like excited children waiting to be let out to play on this beautiful day. Both of us sighed and said just how much we love living here.
Then laughed hilariously at ourselves.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
The Big and the Small
So, I have picked up a book that I started reading last year. It is a book on cosmology and quantum theory. I know, my geek is showing, but hang with me, this stuff is really incredible. What I love about it is how beautiful these theories are, how elegant and poetic.
I was at the Tonhalle with some friends last week, listening to beautiful music, created by living beings in a building that has contained music and living beings for hundreds of years. As we basked in the reverberations of those thoughts, one of my friends brought up a program she had watched on black holes and cosmology. We commented on the huge impact that these thoughts have on our understanding of ourselves as living conscious beings. A day later I came upon a passage in this book, entitled Parallel Worlds.
Such beauty! I am struck by how the glimmers of understanding that I get from this science enhance my appreciation of music, art, nature. It inspires me to write, to create and to value the precious gift that this life and this time is to us.
Today I watched an interview that Stephen Colbert did with Neil deGrasse Tyson, an astrophysicist. I love what this guy has to say about science and politics and history. Near the end he talks about how to inspire children to learn more about their world, and I think he is right on target. It is a long interview, but well worth the time.
Interview with Neil deGrasse Tyson
I was at the Tonhalle with some friends last week, listening to beautiful music, created by living beings in a building that has contained music and living beings for hundreds of years. As we basked in the reverberations of those thoughts, one of my friends brought up a program she had watched on black holes and cosmology. We commented on the huge impact that these thoughts have on our understanding of ourselves as living conscious beings. A day later I came upon a passage in this book, entitled Parallel Worlds.
"Ever since the Greeks, philosophers have speculated that the ultimate building blocks of matter might be made of tiny particles called atoms. Today with our powerful atom smashers and particle accelerators, we can break apart the atom itself into electrons and nuclei, which in turn can be broken into even smaller subatomic particles. But instead of finding an elegant and simple framework, it was distressing to find that there were hundreds of subatomic particles streaming from our accelerators, with strange names like neutrinos, quarks, mesons, leptons, hadrons, gluons, W-bosons, and so forth. it is hard to believe that nature, at its most fundamental level, could create a confusing jungle of bizarre subatomic particles.
String theory and M-theory are based on the simple and elegant idea that the bewildering variety of subatomic particles making up the universe are similar to the notes that one can play on a violin string, or on a membrane such as a drum head. (These are no ordinary strings and membranes; they exist in ten- and elevendimensional hyperspace.)
Traditionally, physicists viewed electrons as being point particles, which were infinitesimally small. This meant that physicists had to introduce a different point particle for each of the hundreds of subatomic particles they found, which was very confusing. But according to string theory, if we had a supermicroscope that could peer into the heart of an electron, we would see that it was not a point particle at all but a tiny vibrating string. It only appeared to be a point particle because our instruments were too crude.
This tiny string, in turn, vibrates at different frequencies and resonances. If we were to pluck this vibrating string, it would change mode and become another subatomic particle, such as a quark. Pluck it again, and it turns into a neutrino. In this way, we can explain the blizzard of subatomic particles as nothing but different musical notes of the string. We can now replace the hundreds of subatomic particles seen in the laboratory with a single object, the string.In this new vocabulary, the laws of physics, carefully constructed after thousands of years of experimentation, are nothing but the laws of harmony one can write down for strings and membranes. The laws of chemistry are the melodies that one can play on these strings. The universe is a symphony of strings. And the "Mind of God," which Einstein wrote eloquently about, is cosmic music resonating throughout hyperspace."
Such beauty! I am struck by how the glimmers of understanding that I get from this science enhance my appreciation of music, art, nature. It inspires me to write, to create and to value the precious gift that this life and this time is to us.
Today I watched an interview that Stephen Colbert did with Neil deGrasse Tyson, an astrophysicist. I love what this guy has to say about science and politics and history. Near the end he talks about how to inspire children to learn more about their world, and I think he is right on target. It is a long interview, but well worth the time.
Interview with Neil deGrasse Tyson
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Early Stirrings
So I woke up this morning, made my probiotic grapefruit-lemon-ginger juice, started the dishwasher and put a sweater on to let the little furry man out for his morning pee.
I got to the bottom of the stairs, braced myself for the hated cold stone tiles, and opened the door for him. Standing in the doorway, balanced on one foot for warmth I looked out on the still-frozen world.
On the bare branches of a bush, right in front of me, a tiny bright European robin appeared; like a foreign ambassador sent to deliver a message. He cocked his head to the side and looked right at me, hopped to another branch and did the same. His actions were almost clownish, but there was a deep seriousness in that eye he turned upon me.
The European robin is not as big as our American variety, and not quite as brightly colored. He was dressed in a more subtle old-world style. He is about the size of a sparrow, with a rusty colored breast, a touch of blue just under the wings, and a bright and piercing eye.
Even though Sumo was snuffing all around, the little bird didn't show any fear. He just continued to look quite pointedly at me as I stood shivering in the doorway. A slow smile crept upon me as I stood there watching him.
Sumo finished his business and noisily bustled inside, clattering up the steps. I stood there a moment longer with that smile on my face. I thanked him, turned to close the door and he flitted off.
I got to the bottom of the stairs, braced myself for the hated cold stone tiles, and opened the door for him. Standing in the doorway, balanced on one foot for warmth I looked out on the still-frozen world.
On the bare branches of a bush, right in front of me, a tiny bright European robin appeared; like a foreign ambassador sent to deliver a message. He cocked his head to the side and looked right at me, hopped to another branch and did the same. His actions were almost clownish, but there was a deep seriousness in that eye he turned upon me.
The European robin is not as big as our American variety, and not quite as brightly colored. He was dressed in a more subtle old-world style. He is about the size of a sparrow, with a rusty colored breast, a touch of blue just under the wings, and a bright and piercing eye.
Even though Sumo was snuffing all around, the little bird didn't show any fear. He just continued to look quite pointedly at me as I stood shivering in the doorway. A slow smile crept upon me as I stood there watching him.
Sumo finished his business and noisily bustled inside, clattering up the steps. I stood there a moment longer with that smile on my face. I thanked him, turned to close the door and he flitted off.
Monday, February 6, 2012
I love my work
Yeah, I know....totally cheesy, but it is true. Especially in the last few months, when my personal life has been in such a state of turmoil, it has been a tiny island of light and positive energy for me. Each morning I enter my classroom and see all these beautiful little beings, so busy with their formation, growing and learning and changing right before my eyes. I am grateful and honored every day to be a part of that.
In my classroom just now we are working on a project that I really just stumbled into, but has turned out to be one of the best and most wide-ranging projects I have ever done with children. It all started with a desire to bring more discussion about families and culture and the differences between the ways that people live together.
I was reading a book and we started a discussion with the question, "What are people?" Giggles all around from the kids at first, but really a fascinating discussion, ranging from biological characteristics to social behavior and beliefs. From there I decided to focus on culture, and go from continent to continent. We started with North America. Some of the children wanted to do some more reading, and I offered them the suggestion of doing projects, group work. They came up with the most awesome topics, for instance, Jazz and Blues, New York City, Native American Art, Aztec culture, Caribbean music, and Mountains of North America. I was so impressed with the great topics they came up with. We decided to have a party after the projects were finished, and present our research, eat North American food, and listen to North American music. Fun :)
Another change I have made this year that has been as nurturing for me as it has been for the children, is the focus on more art lessons. I have been learning and experiencing right alongside them, and I really see a huge enrichment from the expansion of this aspect of the curriculum. We have done work with watercolor, and fiber art, and now we are making woven beaded jewelry (Native American inspired).
My first few years here were so difficult professionally, but I am recognizing now that they pushed me to be a better, more flexible teacher. I am reaping the benefits of having seen those years out, and now I can really use the new confidence and skills I learned.
I can't wait for spring, and growing things with the kids!
In my classroom just now we are working on a project that I really just stumbled into, but has turned out to be one of the best and most wide-ranging projects I have ever done with children. It all started with a desire to bring more discussion about families and culture and the differences between the ways that people live together.
I was reading a book and we started a discussion with the question, "What are people?" Giggles all around from the kids at first, but really a fascinating discussion, ranging from biological characteristics to social behavior and beliefs. From there I decided to focus on culture, and go from continent to continent. We started with North America. Some of the children wanted to do some more reading, and I offered them the suggestion of doing projects, group work. They came up with the most awesome topics, for instance, Jazz and Blues, New York City, Native American Art, Aztec culture, Caribbean music, and Mountains of North America. I was so impressed with the great topics they came up with. We decided to have a party after the projects were finished, and present our research, eat North American food, and listen to North American music. Fun :)
Another change I have made this year that has been as nurturing for me as it has been for the children, is the focus on more art lessons. I have been learning and experiencing right alongside them, and I really see a huge enrichment from the expansion of this aspect of the curriculum. We have done work with watercolor, and fiber art, and now we are making woven beaded jewelry (Native American inspired).
My first few years here were so difficult professionally, but I am recognizing now that they pushed me to be a better, more flexible teacher. I am reaping the benefits of having seen those years out, and now I can really use the new confidence and skills I learned.
I can't wait for spring, and growing things with the kids!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Considering Love and Loss
Most of you know, I have had a year of incredible change. In the last year, I have gone through the most intense emotional experiences of my life. I am now in sort of the denouement of this experience, trying to look at the deconstructed pieces of my self and my life and decide how I can put them together into something whole again.
The other day I was walking with Sumo in the farmland near my apartment, and was thinking (again) over the experiences of the last year, and the loss, and the changes, and how the hell to move on. I had (as I do occasionally these days) a little glimmer of hope, a whisper from my heart that it could be whole, that I will love again. Almost immediately I felt terrible.
Why, I asked myself?
Because, to heal from love feels somehow like a denial of the love that came before, almost a dual tragedy, of loss and recovery. Or maybe it is simply a testament of the miraculous capacity of the heart, to continue to give and love.
I realized then that to accept the healing, one must truly let go of the hope that the love will survive. And of course, if it is real love, it will always be there in some form, but my heart is crying now for the "big" love I have lost, the partnership, the intimate connection with another soul.
So Sumo and I walked on, and my thoughts ranged over the events of my life, other changes I have gone through, other hardships endured. Though none compare, it gave me a bit of solace, the knowledge that I have felt before the pain of having to let go. Like a piece of my very self was torn from me and forever lost.
What I know from those other times is that with the destruction comes new growth, always. I have been turned down a path that I never would have willingly tread, but if I walk it with honesty, with faith in love, and in the goodness and power of life itself I believe I will be whole, and I hope that I will find happiness and fulfillment.
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Rumi
The other day I was walking with Sumo in the farmland near my apartment, and was thinking (again) over the experiences of the last year, and the loss, and the changes, and how the hell to move on. I had (as I do occasionally these days) a little glimmer of hope, a whisper from my heart that it could be whole, that I will love again. Almost immediately I felt terrible.
Why, I asked myself?
Because, to heal from love feels somehow like a denial of the love that came before, almost a dual tragedy, of loss and recovery. Or maybe it is simply a testament of the miraculous capacity of the heart, to continue to give and love.
I realized then that to accept the healing, one must truly let go of the hope that the love will survive. And of course, if it is real love, it will always be there in some form, but my heart is crying now for the "big" love I have lost, the partnership, the intimate connection with another soul.
So Sumo and I walked on, and my thoughts ranged over the events of my life, other changes I have gone through, other hardships endured. Though none compare, it gave me a bit of solace, the knowledge that I have felt before the pain of having to let go. Like a piece of my very self was torn from me and forever lost.
What I know from those other times is that with the destruction comes new growth, always. I have been turned down a path that I never would have willingly tread, but if I walk it with honesty, with faith in love, and in the goodness and power of life itself I believe I will be whole, and I hope that I will find happiness and fulfillment.
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Rumi
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Wrestling with Facebook and thinking of Summer
Hello all,
I spent a good part of the evening last night trying to get my photo albums off Facebook and to get them to show up on my blog here. Now, I am not a technical goddess or anything, but thanks to Tyler I have a good handle on most things computer-related. I found 2 programs that claimed to easily backup your photos from Facebook. I managed to get a few isolated photos to move, got cocky and just selected the whole shebang. After about 10 minutes of ultra-slow computer time while they downloaded I thought I had a nice neat little folder with ALL of my 1,110 Facebook photos on my desktop. Fail. None of them opened.
*sigh*
I decided to go to bed.
Today I will try again. I am nothing if not stubborn ;)
In other realms of my life, I am preparing for my summer in Ohio. For those of you who may not know, I am going for my second round of Montessori training this summer. I am getting the training for adolescents (ages 12-18). The Montessori concept for this age is called "Erdkinder" and it is a farm school model. (YAAAAY)
Of course, this is perfect for my chicken-loving heart.
I will be there from June 25th-July 27th. I expect it to be pretty rigorous (as my 6-12 training was) so I will not plan on traveling during that time, but anyone and everyone is welcome to visit be and distract me from my important school work!! Seriously, I would love to see you.
After the training I will have a few weeks to travel before going back to Zurich. I do have a complication however, that has not yet been solved. My driver's license has expired (the American one) and I can only renew it in Louisville, and I will not have time to come there before the training. I am not sure what I would drive anyway, so I will probably be quite limited. (Unless I decide to rent).
Here in Zurich, a group of teachers and parents are spearheading a project to start an Erdkinder program in the countryside about 45 minutes from Zurich. I had the opportunity to go there and meet with them last weekend. It is a stunning farm. I really wish I had a camera with me. Picture rolling green fields, a few fruit trees, the cutest little Swiss farm house you have ever seen, a huge traditional Swiss farm house next to an old wooden and stone barn. In the middle distance you see the hills roll down to a lake, and farther away there are stunning snow-capped mountains. It is Swiss perfection ;)
These people are really motivated, and I realized at once the opportunity I had in front of me, and offered my services. I am very excited to be a part of the start-up of this school, and WHAT a great experience it will be! Even if I decide to move on before they really get going, I will know what it takes to open a school like this (and trust me, it will be harder here than in the US).
So now, as I sit in the dark depths of February I am dreaming of a sundrenched farm in Ohio, and a summer in my home country. And seeing friends and family that I miss very much.
I spent a good part of the evening last night trying to get my photo albums off Facebook and to get them to show up on my blog here. Now, I am not a technical goddess or anything, but thanks to Tyler I have a good handle on most things computer-related. I found 2 programs that claimed to easily backup your photos from Facebook. I managed to get a few isolated photos to move, got cocky and just selected the whole shebang. After about 10 minutes of ultra-slow computer time while they downloaded I thought I had a nice neat little folder with ALL of my 1,110 Facebook photos on my desktop. Fail. None of them opened.
*sigh*
I decided to go to bed.
Today I will try again. I am nothing if not stubborn ;)
In other realms of my life, I am preparing for my summer in Ohio. For those of you who may not know, I am going for my second round of Montessori training this summer. I am getting the training for adolescents (ages 12-18). The Montessori concept for this age is called "Erdkinder" and it is a farm school model. (YAAAAY)
Of course, this is perfect for my chicken-loving heart.
I will be there from June 25th-July 27th. I expect it to be pretty rigorous (as my 6-12 training was) so I will not plan on traveling during that time, but anyone and everyone is welcome to visit be and distract me from my important school work!! Seriously, I would love to see you.
After the training I will have a few weeks to travel before going back to Zurich. I do have a complication however, that has not yet been solved. My driver's license has expired (the American one) and I can only renew it in Louisville, and I will not have time to come there before the training. I am not sure what I would drive anyway, so I will probably be quite limited. (Unless I decide to rent).
Here in Zurich, a group of teachers and parents are spearheading a project to start an Erdkinder program in the countryside about 45 minutes from Zurich. I had the opportunity to go there and meet with them last weekend. It is a stunning farm. I really wish I had a camera with me. Picture rolling green fields, a few fruit trees, the cutest little Swiss farm house you have ever seen, a huge traditional Swiss farm house next to an old wooden and stone barn. In the middle distance you see the hills roll down to a lake, and farther away there are stunning snow-capped mountains. It is Swiss perfection ;)
These people are really motivated, and I realized at once the opportunity I had in front of me, and offered my services. I am very excited to be a part of the start-up of this school, and WHAT a great experience it will be! Even if I decide to move on before they really get going, I will know what it takes to open a school like this (and trust me, it will be harder here than in the US).
So now, as I sit in the dark depths of February I am dreaming of a sundrenched farm in Ohio, and a summer in my home country. And seeing friends and family that I miss very much.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
New year, new changes...
So......
My first blog post.
This feels a little strange now, because I am essentially writing for me, but hopefully there will soon be more of "you" reading this. There are a number of reasons I chose to start this blog. I will enumerate them ;)
My first blog post.
This feels a little strange now, because I am essentially writing for me, but hopefully there will soon be more of "you" reading this. There are a number of reasons I chose to start this blog. I will enumerate them ;)
- I live VERY far away from quite a few very important people in my life, and I miss them. Daily, I find that I am experiencing things that I wish I could share with you over a cup of coffee, but since that would include airfare, it's just not possible.
- For the last few years I have been going the Facebook route for keeping in touch, but I have found it to be a little too consuming, and in some cases almost more alienating than not having any contact at all. I will admit that I have reconnected with a lot of wonderful people over Facebook, but I am choosing to make my interaction more personal now.
- I like to write. And I am hoping that this will give me more motivation to make writing a regular part of my life.
It is my sincere wish that you will comment on these posts, or send me emails letting me know what is going on in your lives as well.
Here's to the next adventure!
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