10 Years Ago

10 Years Ago.....

On a blazing hot summer day, at Otter Creek Park in Louisville, Kentucky, a young Tyler and Angie got married.

From oldies

For 10 years I have had a partner who has been unfailingly true, a loving husband, and a fierce friend. We have had times that were beautiful and easy (quite the majority in fact), times of hard work endured and eased by partnership, and we have had times that were terribly difficult, most notably the last year or two. During these hard times when I have been in such a state of turmoil and confusion and change, I have been able to take solace in the one unshakable piece of my life, my husband's love and devotion. He has stood by me even in the face of  great opposition and great pain. I have never known someone more deserving of the title "husband" or "partner."

For 10 years I have had the gift of a marriage with someone who is kind and strong and honest, who stands by his word and cares deeply for the people in his life, who is smart and loves a challenge and never ceases to search for the greater truth. I have had a partner who is beautiful in so many ways, handsome and confident, laughing eyes and a ready smile. A partner who has brought me endless laughter and joy.

I love you Tyler, and I thank you.

I am so lucky and proud to share my life with you.

Montessori Summer 2012...Day 1

I am here, in the US, and it is full-on summer. I have forgotten how wretchedly hot it is here in the summertime. But it has been really fun to watch my Austrian colleague experience the US for the first time.

We made a long stop in Georgia on the way in and I had a chance to catch up with a friend from college that I had not seen in over 10 years. It is amazing how much changes and how much stays the same! We had a really nice (though short) visit. She drove us to this awesome dilapidated factory that has been repurposed as a goat farm/artist collective. Really cool.

Then on to Cleveland. I am staying in student housing....and it is everything you might expect from a state school tower housing. Small, hot, old and ugly. :/

Ah well, it is about the adventure, right?

We have managed to successfully navigate the Cleveland public transit system (actually not bad at all...better than the Italian!). I took Christina to Wal-Mart after we realized that the kitchen we were supposed to cook in had no dishes or pots or cutlery or anything other than a refrigerator, microwave and stove. I have to say, Wal-Mart is something I could happily live without forever. She was absolutely amazed to see that spectacle of American consumerism. Then we wandered around campus, stumbled upon a football practice and lingered while I explained everything I know about American football...lol

Now to the meat of my post. About how it is to be back. I have to say, I have been a little surprised this visit. I will illustrate with an example. In the hotel this morning I watched a young girl play a game with her mom (anyone know the "cold chills" ?) that I had played as a child. There was such a warm rush of memory and nostalgia for me, but almost as if it were for someone I once knew very closely, not so much for me as I am now.

It is so strange to be here, in this place where everything is so familiar, so easy to live in, because I know the culture on an intimate level...and yet I am no longer a part of it as I once was. It is not that I do not love being here, and I would be very sad to never come back to the states, but I have developed as a person so much now in Switzerland, that it is as if there is a part of me that is now also intimately linked to that place. I feel a little like a foreigner in my own culture, somewhat apart, somewhat changed. It is not a feeling that I regret in any way because I love the changes I have embraced in myself, but it is strange to feel these two feelings, of intimacy and separation.

I look forward to a summer of further discovery :)

Historical Musings.....and Music

Last night I had the opportunity to listen to one of the most talented musical groups I have ever known, in a beautiful and historical setting. I was listening to the Valentin Berlinsky Quartet at the Zunfthaus zur Waag (in the courtyard of the Fraumunster Church).

These are the moments when I really appreciate how special it is to be here.

Here I am, listening to an amazing group of performers, who I have had the opportunity to meet and know personally through friends here, in a building that existed during the lifetime of the composer whose pieces were being performed.....I sat there, looking around and imagining how many times that piece has been performed in a place here in Zurich. It gives such depth to the experience to not only hear music beautifully performed, but to be in such an intimate and rich setting.

I had to take some photos:

Summer Rain

You know it is interesting, I have noticed that I always make blog posts when I am at my best, or have had some amazing or enlightening experience. It makes for light and happy reading, but it is not really the reality of my life right now. Sure, it is a part of the reality, but it is truly not the whole picture.

The reality is, I am deep in grief a good deal of the time these days.

I am in a situation now where I am staying in a friend's apartment (cat-sitting) for the next 2 and a half weeks. It has removed me just enough from my "normal" existence so that the full weight of my current reality has had a chance to catch up with me. I feel the truth of my existence, alone. All my adult life I have had a steady partner, someone I could rely on, trust, share with. Now I do not. Don't get me wrong, I have awesome friends, (which I am amazingly grateful for) but anyone who says that friends are a substitute for that someone special is fooling themselves. We all know that, right?

Being here alone has been a little like some kind of retreat, some kind of enforced silent meditation. The apartment is situated in a very quiet pastoral setting, I bike to work, I do yoga in the morning sunshine, I feed the kitties (we try to talk, but they just don't get me ;)

I cannot escape the thoughts or feelings that come, and I cannot fool myself about the reality of my transitional situation, so I just have to sit with these thoughts and feelings, get to know them, give them some space, accept the pain that comes, and then try to let them go. I know that over time, I will heal. I know that over time I will feel strong and whole again. But damn, this part is hard.

So that is where I am tonight, sitting in a friend's apartment, listening to the birds singing and the gentle patter of the rain and feeling sad. But I know you are all out there, and I know that this is not my life. I am walking the long uphill path to something new.

Well Met

I met a woman on the tram today. It was one of those situations where I had carefully chosen the seat that I knew was least likely to attract a fellow passenger. She tottered right up and asked if she could sit. Of course, I said. (Imagine this in Swiss/High German)

Immediately I knew, she was a talker. The majority of the people I encounter in my daily life here could care less if the person next to them was engulfed in flames, but every once in a while, you meet these people who really respond to that American openness. They want to talk.

A good three quarters of them are mildly to majorly crazy.

I quickly summed up this lady, judging weather I needed to make a break for it at the next stop. 30 minutes later I was glad I hung in there.

This woman is 83 years old. She has lived in the Zurich area all her life, swimming there in the lake (one of her favorite pastimes), hiking in the mountains, and living her life. As we passed Burkliplatz,

From Christmas in Switzerland

she couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of the snow covered mountains and the sun-drenched water. She has seen it almost every day of her life here, but was viewing it with open eyes, seeing the beauty as fresh and new.

She shared with me not only stories from her life, but the power and fire that has fueled her journey. She is in the moment and so alive. Blind in one eye, and no longer able to do all the things she once loved, but without regret and without despair. Her family has passed away, and most of her friends are gone or ill, but she still loves to walk in the mountains, and is strong and grateful for her health. None of this was posturing from her side. Just genuine love for life...the joy of a life well lived.

When we got to my stop (at my garden) I bid her farewell. She took my hand in hers and wished me a wonderful life, and much joy. It is the greatest blessing possibly I have ever received.

I walked away feeling very young, and very hopeful for the years ahead.

Gardening

So it is spring again! And now that the rain has stopped, and it is finally nice and warm outside, I have been spending a lot of time in the garden again.

This year I have a unique situation because I will be in the US learning how to be a farm school teacher during the most intense part of the growing season. So I decided to really limit my plantings. I am growing a few things that take a long time to ripen (potatoes, beets, winter squash and pumpkins) and the rest of the beds I am planting cover crops in. I discovered this perfect solution when I was researching different ways to compost and fertilize. There are certain kinds of plants that actually improve the quality of the soil as they are growing, then after they are finished blooming you just till in the entire crop and leave it to compost naturally. The density of the plants also keeps weeds down, so it is just a perfect solution for leaving the garden to fend for itself for a month or so.




This morning I was also doing some interesting research about small self-sufficient farms and homesteading. I found some great information about applying for grants and the financial end of start-up. Good food for dreaming about the future! Lots to look forward to.

Awesome

On my birthday, I had a small party with some close friends at a cute little "American" diner here in Zurich. It was a nice low-key evening and I felt all warm and happy with all the love of my people here close to me.
One of my friends gave me a book that night. It is the Book of Awesome. I have to say, this has been a wonderful reading experience so far. It is all those little things that make life really grand that you just do not think about often enough.

Well, yesterday another friend forwarded me the TED talk that the author of this book gave. After watching it, I love this book even more. Take the time to watch this. It will make your day....
Awesome.

Click here to watch "The 3 A's of Awesome"